Thursday, October 6, 2011

Rattlesnake Roundup- Brokaw Style

So most of you already know that Josh and I had a rattlesnake in our driveway last night.  Most of you also know the outcome.  Here's the long version of the story.
We've only seen 1 other live rattlesnake on our property in the 2 years we've lived here.  It was a baby one out on our road and Josh refused to run over it.  I was not happy about that.  My snake philosophy is that snakes are fine and I'll leave them alone as long as they're not poisonous or in the house.  If they're poisonous or in the house, they need to die.  Period, end of story.
On nights that we get home after dark, Titus and I go for a short bike ride instead of walking.  I figure it's safer for me and the quicker I wear Titus out, the better.  So after our bike ride last night, I put the bike in the shop and headed back toward the house.  I saw something move on the driveway and immediately shone my flashlight on it.  Yep, a snake.  Check the tail.  Umm, that's a fatter tail than our usual snakes.  Yep, that's a rattler.  I knew Josh was outside somewhere, so here's how it all went down.
Me:  JOSH????  Titus, stay back!
Josh:  Yeah?  I'm right here.
Me:  We've got a rattlesnake in the driveway!!
Josh:  Ok.
Me:  Can you come over here quickly?  He's headed into the garage and I don't want to lose him.  I've got to keep Titus away.  Titus, no, get over here!
(Josh came around the corner and positioned himself between the snake and the garage.)
Me:  What do you want?  A hoe?  A shovel? 
Josh:  Umm...  I don't really know.
Me:  Titus, come with me.  Titus, come.  NOW! 
(I start walking toward the shop with Titus.  I'm already getting a little annoyed because the tools we need should be in the shed next to the driveway where they belong, but I know they didn't get put away and they are somewhere in the shop.  Plus, I already know Josh is not going to want to kill the snake based on previous situations.)
Josh:  It'll probably be fine if we just move it. 
(See, I was right.  Now I'm really annoyed)
Me:  I don't need you to be a scientist right now, I need you to protect our family.  Do you want a shovel or a hoe??!!
Josh:  I don't know if either of those will really work.
Me:  Am I going to have to kill this snake myself?  What tool do you want me to get?
(I really was worried I was going to have to take matters into my own hands.  The snake might not have been the only one in danger!)
Josh:  I guess a hoe.
Me:  A blunt-end one, right?
Josh:  I guess.  If we have one.
(looking, looking...) 
Josh:  Oh!!  A shotgun!  That's what I need!  I need my shotgun!
(All of the sudden, Josh is interested.  Of course, a gun.  Why didn't I think of a gun?!?)
Me:  I don't know which one the shotgun is or where the bullets are.
Josh:  Yes, I definitely need my shotgun!
Me:  I don't know which one it is.  You'll have to get it.
Josh:  Yeah, you come here and keep an eye on the snake and I'll go get the gun.
Me:  Hang on.  Let me get a long stick so I can keep my distance in case it moves.
(I grab the broom)
Josh:  You'll just have to keep moving around so he doesn't get in the garage.
Me:  Take Titus inside with you.
(Josh leaves me with the snake and heads inside.  The snake and I have a stare-down.  I didn't move.  He didn't move.  Josh comes back with his shotgun.)
Me:  Wait!  Let me get inside before you do anything!
(I go inside...  BANG... BANG... BANG...  I go back outside.  I need proof that the snake was dead.  I still wasn't quite sure Josh was going to go through with it.)
Me:  Are you done?
Josh:  Yeah.
Me:  You didn't blast any holes in the driveway, did you?
Josh:  No, I moved him before I shot him.
Me:  Is it dead?
Josh:  Mostly.  It's harder to kill than I expected.  It's still wiggling around some.
(Josh heads back inside, I don't know why.  I start taking pictures of course.  The snake was still moving a little.  Josh came back out with a different gun.  He tells me it was a .22 rifle if that means anything to any of you.  He shot the snake a couple more times.  I went inside to check on Titus.  When I came back out, Josh was removing the rattle.  Trophy I guess.  Titus was pretty interested, but scared at the same time.)
Josh (with rattle in hand):  Here, hold this while I get rid of the snake. 
Me:  I don't want that thing! 
(Josh hands it to me anyway.  Gross, but a little cool at the same time.  I showed it to Titus, but he was more interested in where Josh was taking the rest of the body.  I took some pictures of the rattle since the camera was handy.  Then my camera battery died.  Then Titus came back and wanted to eat the rattle.  Then I went inside.  The End.)

In my dream world, this is how it would have happened.
Me:  Josh, we have a rattlesnake in the driveway!
Josh:  Are you ok?  Don't get too close.  Go inside with Titus, and I'll take care of everything.
Me:  My hero!
The End.

The snake was about 3 feet long.  The black and white stripes are just before the rattle.
Josh's trophy rattle
 Maybe we'll handle the next snake better.  This was not our finest marital moment!  Still adjusting to life in the country...


Lara said...

HaHa. I can soooo picture the entire event. That is classic Josh.
Having married a gun enthusiast, I can tell you that a shotgun is great when you just want to blast a hole in something without getting too close. A .22 is a very small, low power rifle; it requires you to get much closer, but also offers a more precise bullet placement.

Glad no one was hurt and you got rid of the snake. Enjoy the trophy.

Anonymous said...

I am so grateful we have never seen one here. Yikes! I am okay with something like a little garter snake, but I think I would be freaked out with a rattler.

Glad Josh protected you and Titus!


Judy said...

Great story, Amber. Loved reading all the suspense & danger & final conquering the rattler. Can't wait to share the story with Keylin. He's just like that with his gun. I can picture Josh & Keylin shooting at the snake with each of their guns. Such boy fun.